When I look at these pictures, I still can’t believe that was me.  I went from a size 14 to a size 6 and lost a total of 40 pounds. Here’s how it all started two years ago….

I was at what I thought would be one of our normal Leadership meetings. Normal in the sense that I didn’t expect to end up crying when the meeting was over.  Anyway, our Pastor goes around the room asking all the leaders to follow up on their ministry visions, goals, and so forth, and where things stood at that time.  He also asked if we wanted to continue in that capacity.  As I sat there waiting for my turn, I listened to everyone talk about all the “other” things they were involved in that limited their active involvement with their particular ministry.  And suddenly, like an ephiphany, I realized I had NO LIFE!  While everyone was talking about why they couldn’t do something (and it certainly wasn’t what the Pastor wanted to hear) all I could think about was the life I didn’t have.  Honestly, all I did was go to work, work from home, work church from home, and then go to church on Sunday.  For God’s sake (no pun intended), there was absolutely nothing stopping me from doing my ministry work and I started to cry. Uncontrollably no doubt. And by the time it got around to me to speak, all I kept saying over and over like some crazy mad woman was “I have no life….I have no life” and then boo hoo hoo. I’m sure everyone thought I was crazy but I didn’t care.  They were unable to do ministry work because they were too busy and I wasn’t busy enough which is why I kept getting stuff to do, wearing several hats, and accepting more than I really wanted to handle. Now don’t get me wrong.  I suppose it was my fault for not living an abundant life and taking time for vacations.  (Yeah, right.) Truth be told, I was only doing what I had been taught to do while growing up and that was to always “put the Lord’s work first.”  Nevertheless, something was wrong here — wrong indeed!

After sobbing profusely and sniffing to the point of probably annoying everyone in the room, my sister handed me some tissue.  The look in her eyes told me that she understood exactly how I felt and she gave me a hug.  When I finished what I had to say and confirmed my desire to continue as best I could with the ministries I was involved with, I was secretly planning to have a serious talk with God when I got home.  As soon as I walked in the door, I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.  I had been crying so much that my face was tired and my eyes were puffy.  I started thinking about my life in general and how unhappy I had become lately and that only made matters worse. Because as ugly as my face was already, I began crying all over again. Nonstop like a freaking baby — hiccup sniffles and all. Thank God nobody was here but me.   Staring at myself in the mirror, I saw how I had let my weight get out of control too.  Good gracious, when did this happen? Why didn’t someone let on that I was looking a little heavier than I had just the year before?  Wait a minute….side bar.

Am I kidding myself.  Do I honestly think I would have been receptive to someone telling me i was getting a little heavy for my body size and that I needed to loose some weight?

Anywhoo, I prayed Lord, let me be the woman you created me to be and live the abundant life you promised I could have, because this can’t possibly be it.  By this time I was tired of crying so I wiped my tears, took a shower and went to bed.  Several weeks later, I met this guy who said he was a personal trainer and I’m thinking “no way!!!!”  After listening to him talk about all he could do and how he could transform my body, yada yada, I decided to give him a try.  I began working out 4 days a week.  I was so happy I had something to do after work I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Three months later I noticed my clothes were fitting looser and I had already lost 20 pounds. Now here’s the funny part about all of this (and Lord forgive me because my initial intentions were to be so busy so that I could feel what it was like not having  time to do any ministry work), but I actually never missed a beat doing what I needed to do for my church.  As it turned out, God knew my heart and his purpose for me.  He worked things in such a divine way that I was happy ’cause I was getting myself together and He was happy too.

My life has changed so much from that initial meeting.  Today I look and feel a whole lot better about myself.  I learned how to balance having a life and ministry and to not let church consume all of me. Isn’t it funny how a reaction to one thing ends up being a benefit to another thing?

… I’m so glad I cried.